If your daily routine includes being cast into pits of burning sulphur stoked by winged, remorseless demons, you may be in Hell, specifically one of the Circles as outlined by Dante in his masterpiece The Divine Comedy. See, long before The Office, workplaces were inspiring black comedy... Surely Dante was a beleagured employee at a soul-crushing workplace back in his day; he simply hits the nail on the head in his descriptions of Hell.
It's almost 3 p.m. now, and time to pick out which Circle of Hell you're in!
1st Circle: reserved for Virtuous Pagans, i.e. those ass-kissers who pretend to do work at home or volunteer for crap, but really they do jack. You're force to listen to them, based on your cubicle's proximity in this Circle.
2nd Circle: reserved for those who lust, i.e. those who are in danger of getting slapped with a sexual harrassment suit. The lusters can be amusing, as long as you realize they're not raunchy funny like the movie Wedding Crashers, but just raunchy boring. Still, for being one circle below the Virtuous Pagans, they're a bit more tolerable. Nobody likes an ass-kisser.
3rd and 4th Circles: reserved for Gluttons and the Avaricious, respectively. I work in a public library where people greedily snap up every single DVD off the shelf. Many days I toil in these particular Circles, trying to satisfy the insatiable lusts of these slavering Demons. If you work in public service or retail, chances are you know these Circles well.
5th Circle: reserved for the Wrathful, i.e. that one coworker frothing at the mouth, and you're afraid they're going to go postal any day now. Or perhaps that wrathful coworker is you.
6th Circle: reserved for Heretics, i.e. anyone who dares question a company policy....hmmm....we've all been in this Circle, have we not? More brimstone, please!
7th Circle: reserved for the Violent--see how this is starting to look like your workplace?
8th Circle: reserved for those who commit fraud, with a special inner circle for Politicians!
9th Circle: reserved for Traitors/Betrayers, i.e. management.
Ow! Those pitchforks are really pointy!
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