Online dating profiles deconstructed

In the emotionally-debilitating exercise known as online dating, various stock phrases and cliches come up frequently. I'm not talking about the "loves long walks on the beach" kind of cliche (and why can't I insert an accent over the e? I would love to know...so if anyone out there is well-versed in the subtle art of diacriticals, show me how!) These are the phrases that make me want to tear my hair out, if not my heart:

1. Looking for a woman who "takes pride in her appearance," "takes care of herself," "likes to work out as much as I do," means "I want someone thin! Fatties need not apply." Everybody checks off "slim/slender/athletic/fit" as their Ideal Woman. Isn't that nice. Never mind that the guy is paunchy, beer-bellied, wide-hipped, puffy, or doughy himself. Y'all want "slim, sexy, vivacious!" What the hell does "vivacious" mean anyway? Someone who gushes "Awesome!!!" at everything the guy says? See also #4.
2. "Isn't into drama"--in other words, shut up about everything.
3. 5'10" is the new 5'6". 5'8" is the new 5'3". Basically most men are over-reporting their height by at least 4 inches (do we get those extra inches anywhere else?) So why are men getting all snarly about women being heavier than they say they are? I can always lose the extra weight, but you're not going to sprout up another 5 inches at the age of 42, buddy!
4. "My ideal woman would have a Great Sense of Humor!" Oh, this one does make me laugh! That means, "You should laugh at MY stupid jokes and gaze adoringly at me while I attempt to crack wise." I'm beginning to think a lot of men out there don't really want a woman with a sense of humor. That would scare them shitless.
5. "Fun-loving yet responsible." I think that means, not so fun and not so responsible.
6. Don't say you own your own home when said home is under foreclosure. Likewise, don't tell everyone you're a college graduate when you dropped out of Harper College. (And as my friend Terry pointed out, you don't drop out of community college; you just stop going.)

I could go on and on. To be honest, I'm tired of this blog entry. It's a waste of time to whine about online dating. I'm beginning to not care. Not care at all. File under W for Whatever!