New city manager of Loserville

I'm proud to announce that I have formally accepted the position of City Manager for Loserville. It formalizes a job I have already been doing for the past couple of months. There's little compensation and no benefits, but it is a great public service. Like most city managers from whichever burg or metropolis, I'm not actually from there or even live there; I just have to deal with its citizens on a daily basis.

I think I found the Grand Marshall for the big Loserville parade! This guy truly exemplifies the citizenry of Loserville...he is stunning. I didn't even have to seek him out; he came to me and right away I knew he could lead the Loserville parade.