Just eat the #$%@ing strawberry already

If you ever want to waste time on a professional level, i.e. make sure you never, ever get those hours back in your life, spend some time trolling the message boards on the Weight Watchers site. You will meet such an array of obsessive-compulsives, whiners, overachievers, underachievers, self-righteous Pharisees, and the just plain boring.

The people who obsess endlessly about whether they're going to eat another strawberry and need the support of strangers in cyberspace to "talk them down" are my favorites. It's a strawberry--just eat the fucking strawberry! It's a lovely little bit of fruit, pure sunshine and sweetness encapsulated in a petite red, luscious flesh. But some people think a strawberry will put them over the edge. On the other hand, these are the same people who will eat an entire tub of fat free Cool Whip and not bat an eyelash. Never mind that the stuff is most closely related to jet fuel on a molecular level.

For those of you who are unfamiliar with sarcasm: please don't consult my blog for scientifically-accurate information. All I hope to do is amuse. No, that's not true--I really don't care if you're amused or not.

Zuviel Punkte

I have struggled with Weight Watchers off and on. That's in addition to struggling with my weight. Weight Watchers itself is a fire-breathing dragon one must conquer in order to bend it to your will. There are umpteen and eleventy-one rules and edicts to follow, and you have to religiously keep track of everything you put in your mouth.

Sunday I went to Germanfest in Milwaukee. Es war spass! Ich habe Milwaukee gern! The festival area has Real Toilets every 50 yards, which rates highly with me. I got my German on--rocked out to the oompah brass bands (which provide employment for tuba players everywhere), drank delicious beer and ate lovely pretzels and potato pancakes. I also bought a flower wreath for my head, which you can see in this unfortunately accurate photo of me.

So this is the problem: German food is zuviel Punkte! Practically every single morsel of German food is over 10 points! You can't get away with under 30 points per meal! It's all pork and potatoes, pork rolled up and fried up and fried again and slathered with pork and some more pork. Would you like pork with that? I had the vegetarian special--beer, pretzels, and potato pancakes. Beer and pretzels go together to form a complete carbohydrate, I believe. Actually, the lowest point item and probably the most nutritious offering at Germanfest was the beer. I calculated I ate 11,314 points on Sunday. I wonder what German Weight Watchers meetings are like...poor miserable souls trapped in a land of fried starch. Oh well, these are my people and I love them.

Now if the Dominicans can ever get their act together and throw a festival, I can satisfy the other side of my family tree...